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Thoughts

Posted by chanmaypyeng on May 15, 2016 at 2:50 AM

I want to be a businessman 
I want to be a CEO
I want to be a singer 

These are my friends' dreams.
I envy them for having their dreams.
Because i didnt have any. 

It's not that I never think of my dreams before, it's just that I told myself that I can't do it.
I want to be a fashion designer.  "NO, you can't. You are not good at drawing."
I want to be a model. " You are not good looking enough."
I want to be a graphic designer. " Did it brings you high income level that enough to sustain your high spending level?

In the end , I didn't have any dreams.
I am the biggest obstacles in my dream, in my life. 
Whenever i have something in my life , my rationale told me that NO, it just not gonna work.
And yes , it never works because I didn't even tried it.

I have so much things going on this month and despite having tons of works , I spend most of my time thinking.
Thinking about what I really want in my life. 
Thinking about what I not even know what I want to achieve
Where is my dream?

The more I think , the more I doubt about myself.
I am good at nothing =(
My friends (my BFFs) and I joined a tax competition last year , and we did win ourselves a second place.
But , I contributed nothing much into the competition. 
And I feel myself so useless because I din even did my best in presentation. =(
My presentation skills sucks. ( Of cause my English too)
I hate myself for being a free-rider in the group because I didnt contribute much and yet i got the prizes.
But i told myself, nevermind , I will do better next time.

And when i knew that the BFFs of mine joined another competition without me , they found my senior and form a group.
That feeling was sucks
I didn't even know my BFFs are joining the competition.
I didn't know that they group with my senior.
And here comes rumors
People wondering " why i didnt join them?" ( Come on, I didnt even know they joining)
Everyone and even I myself  was curious.
Why they didnt even find me?
And I make a pretty good conclusion on it , because I'm not good enough. 

People only will value you when you are clever than them, (at least this applies to business world)
A competitive environment
With me who have no competitive advantage. =(

I dislike the feeling when people ask you why u didnt join and you have to admit that I'm not good enough for them as a teammate.
(oh ya ,they won champion in Malaysia and are going to HongKong end of this month to compete in international level)
I wish I can be as good as I want myself to be.
The worst enemy in life is myself.

I want a change in myself. 
I hope one day I have a story that worth telling to everyone.
Which I can make my parents proud of me too.
I hope my story can motivate someone who are facing the stuggles I'm facing right now.
The stuggles of climbing up the mountain to reach the top.
And this is my dream =)

THE BEST VIEW  COMES AFTER THE HARDEST CLIMB

Love yourself enough to work harder.
One day , you will be thankful to yourself for the hard work. =)

If you don't imagine, nothing ever happens at all. - John Green




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